Today has been a great day, and it’s only 1:30.
This morning Darrel Dobbleman called me. He was the leader of both of my missions trips to Mexico, and is the founder of Dove International. I felt a leading to call him a week or two ago and I left a message, and he got back to me this morning.
Anyway, I was able to share with him most of what I was struggling with lately- the lack of vision, lack of purpose, but, ultimately (as I discovered in my lunch meeting with Rod), the lack of a plan. He had some great words for me and asked me to pray about going to Guatemala to his base (which is now a YWAM base) down there. He said it would be “a good fit”.
After that, I went to lunch with Rod, and just in talking to Him God further clarified what the problem has actually been, and what the next step is.
There are a lot of things leading up to this discovery, but I won’t share them all with you. But the problem is this:
I have a vision to fund 300 orphanages by the time I die. They would be funded with passive income. Right now at this point in my life I have no other vision, and am close to paying off some debt. Some change is coming, whether it be financial or whatever, it is inevitable. But historically, God has asked me to lay down my visions before Him and focus on much simpler things, such as relationships. To top it off, I cannot do anything half-way. God has not made me like that, and I consider it a tarnish on His name when we carry a vision out to anything less than our best abilities. In terms of finances, I believe I’m a prince of God and nothing would keep me from executing it. I HATE the poverty mentality of most Christians and would like to raise my own passive income then beg for funds, either for my visions or for myself. And so I was stuck in the quandry of planning and executing a vision with financial wisdom and faith (with the possibility of God eventually not letting me fulfill it anyway), or dumping it and living some sort of a simpler life than that and even fearful that the Lord would move me to Iran to be a missionary living only on warrior faith (which I also like and is a part of me, but that’s another story) or whatever He wants to do. So it was a combination of fear and loss and faith and identity all coming to a quite literal crux.
And the answer is…
I am going to focus on creating only my own passive income, so that God can use me where He wants me to minister. If He then wants to take my orphange funding idea and run with it, He can do so, but it will not be in my power, and I will still have gained valuable experience and wisdom with finances will still have the ability to live out the ministry aspect of my heart. This allows me as a prince of God to move forward keep what I know to be true about finances and His character and my identity, while laying the future in God’s hands.