I literally, as we speak, am engulfed in stifling putridity. For those of you who know me, you may have known about the “black thing” lurking in the back of my fridge…
It all started with Thanksgiving- I believe 2 or 3 years ago. Mmmm….. boy was it a good one! Turkey, cranberries, stuffing, and oh! The sweet potatoes! There they were… as though Jesus himself cooked them for me, I ate my fill, and to my delight my precious mother gave me a bowl filled with sweet potatoes and something that resembled a hairnet on top to take home with me.
Now, some of you are bachelors. And being such, you know we aren’t the quickest to get to food. And after a while, the thought of touching those sweet potatoes, or meat, or whatever in the fridge just doesn’t sound safe. And in the back of my mind I thought about throwing them out, but they were, after all, in the back of the fridge.
And then they turned black.
I don’t know if it was the blackness I could see through the plastic hairnet or the hairnet itself that freaked me out the most. But honestly, I was afraid of it.
And so it sat. And sat. And sat. For 2 or 3 years. Can’t remember how many, but let’s just say Mayo probably started and concluded their own scientific experiments in the amount of time it has been here- lurking in the corner like a diseased mountain lion.
The worst part was the bowl. In any other occassion, I would have thrown the entire bowl out- hairnet and all. But wouldn’t you know it, my mother gave me her Fiestaware in a gesture of motherly love. Dang.
I didn’t know how to deal with it. I wasn’t trained for such an ugly sight. Questions circulated in my head like the green vapors that I’m sure would fill my condo if I attempted to clean it.
Can you die from that black stuff? Isn’t there something called “black mold” that is apparently so insidious they vacate houses until it’s been dealt with? What is underneath that black crust??? Would it be green and look like boiled okra? Would it stare back at me?
I determined at some point that there was no way I would clean that bowl and decided to wait until it would walk out under it’s own power.
Until today. I was mentioning this thing to Debbie Ranfranz today when she showed me her Fiestaware and she inspired me to be a man and wash that dang bowl!!!
I came home, determined to change my fridge for the better.
I tepidly opened the fridge door and peaked in. It was still there, remaining motionless.
Ok, so I grabbed it and took off the “hairnet”. I sniffed. So far so good. I was still standing and everything was in color.
I decided to do the “use the hairnet as a glove” method and scoop the stuff out of the bowl into the garbage. Wow. Look at that. It’s actually orange just like the sweet potatoes were underneath. Interesting. I threw the hairnet into the garbage with the last batch of sweet potatoes I could get.
I put the bowl into the sink and started to run water into it. Wait a minute. What’s that… SMELL!!!!!!!!
I cannot describe to you what oder was invading my condo at that moment. Maybe a cross between pig crap and baby crap, with a hint of nastiness??
I cinched up my almost empty garbage bag (hey, it was WORTH it!) and bolted for the dumpster. Even when I got back the smell from the BOWL being flushed with water was enough to give me pause. But I dumped it, dumped in a ton of DAWN, and now a better smelling version lives in my sink with hot water.
And that, my dear friends, is the triumphant story of the life, and death, of the BLACK THING!!!! 🙂