Fabulous website. Makes me laugh and cry.
It is funny how some lessons we will never stop learning.
I KNOW that my emotions and feelings have no affect on how God sees me, or how much He loves me. But the last few weeks/months I’ve been in a funk of not believe the words God says about me, and not recognizing, in my own life, the distinction between my spirit and my soul.
When God speaks of saving our soul, He isn’t talking about our spirit. Our spirit is saved when we accept Christ into our life. Our soul is in desperate need of renewal and saving, however. We constantly believe lies about ourselves- ALL of us, without exception.
However- the good news is that God doesn’t judge us by our soul. Not our salvation, anyway. He judges our spirit, well, Christ’s spirit, really. But our souls- YUCK!!! They are just a mess that need regeneration.
It helps me to understand, at times when I have screwed up and sinned and feel frustrated, abandoned, and distant from God, that these are just issues of my soul, not of my spirit and of God’s truth.
THANK You, GOD!!!!!!!!!! HALLELUIAH!!!!!!!! 🙂
A few years ago I wrote a post about how I had a dream where I talked to God and He told me, It’s all about the relationships. And the anointing. And when you get them both together, ooh!” (He melted like butter there!)
I also wrote how I didn’t quite understand the anointing part.
I think I may have a little insight into it today.
Let’s say you have a young girl playing the piano and worshiping God. She plays it and it moves you to tears. Why?
It could be for a couple of reasons. First, maybe her music was sweet in a way that is obviously a God-given talent. That is anointing. Or maybe that girl was your daughter, and she may not have been good technically, but her love for you and your love for her as she played passionately touched you. That is relationship.
Either reason touches on what God told me in that dream.
.. now imagine this. Image the girl was BOTH your daughter, AND she just fricking ROCKS with an obvious, God-given talent!!! It is the best of all that God has here on earth. The anointing, and the relationship.
A good friend of mine pointed out how selfish my motivations for spending time with friends were the other day. That I wanted a return on an investment. She was totally right. I did want something in return for time spent with friends.
I realize, however, that this is human. Humans have to be “recharged” in some way. You either invest in people and hope they are there to invest in you, or you isolate yourself emotionally from everyone everywhere and live a lonely existence.
My heart really is to meet the needs of those around me. But when I meet the needs of my friends, or people who I truly consider my friends, I do have this unwritten expectation that they will eventually meet my needs when the need arises.
But that doesn’t always happen.
And so tonight, as I was talking to God, the author of life, about this, I realized that the only way to continually give of yourself as is if you keep going back to God to be recharged.
That is the ONLY way.
Of course, even Jesus had friends he relaxed with. There is a balance, but the recharging of our spirit by being connected with the God who loves us, and created us, is the only way I can continually pour that love to other people. And that “recharging” takes a different form for every person. Some people HAVE to get back in the Bible. Some people HAVE to worship with music. Some people HAVE to draw, or get into nature, or whatever. But the point is that I can’t do it without Him filling me first.
I apologize to any and every person, friend or not, that I have not poured unconditional love upon. I recognize that I’m human, but I also know that with Christ as the focus, and the CENTER of my life, I can do it. But I’m not totally there yet. I have a lot of issues to sort out before I’m at that point, but please, have patience with me. I am trying, and I’m just not God. He just loves me, and I love Him. It’s only by spending time with Him that I become like Him.
Enough for tonight.
Been a while since I blogged!!!
The most exciting things in my life right now, NOT necessarily in order!!!:
1. Getting my focus completely and totally back on Jesus- my MOST AWESOME!!!!!!
2. My band. I don’t know why, people. God has just made me to worship, and I don’t care if I ever play for anyone as long as I can jam in my basement.
3. The “community”. Keeps getting BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!
4. GETTING FRICKING WORK DONE!!!!!!!! HALLELUIAH!!!!! GOODBYE, STRESSFUL DANCE VIDEOS!!!!!!!!!!!!
5. My basement. Honestly, it’s a mess, and I love it. Nobody goes down there except me and I fricking absolutely LOVE that!!! I even sleep down there!!! I’m able to worship, cry out to God, crank my amp, sleep, read, and hang out there for hours and people don’t even know where I am!!! Halleluiah!
6. Wine and beer. And a bi-weekly smoke on my grandpa’s pipe or a cigar.
7. My roomates. They fricking ROCK and I love them more each day!!!
8. Seeing myself DECIDE to live the truth in a new way. I’m great following Jesus when I “feel” it and it’s true, or when I don’t feel it and it’s not true, but but worst when I don’t feel it at all. I like having that confirmation in my spirit that it is right. I’m a lot worse at just hanging onto a word God speaks for me and living it whether or not I feel it. In some ways I do it with flying colors- when the answer is black and white. But when I am passionate and God says “no”, then I struggle the most.
Maybe the most exciting thing in my life over the last 6 months is that I’m starting to be myself- come hell or high water. I can’t and won’t live my life based on anything I don’t know personally. Culture be damned. Assumptions be damned. You may have the best doctrine in the world, you may know exactly what I am supposed to do, but if I don’t know it myself, and if God hasn’t confirmed it to me, then you can shove your doctrine up your ass! 😀 I want the LOVE of God, because THAT is what I know more than anything else in life!!!! “You shall know them by their fruit!”
Your’s is a lonely oyster
Please pray for me. Just irrationally stressed. New house, work bugs, etc. Pray for grace and everything to fall together, please. Thank you!
What do you do when you want God so bad, but you don’t hear him speak? I just keep pushing in, but it is hard sometimes, because you start to question if you are “okay” with Him, if you’re “doing” enough. And eventually he either speaks out of his love and mercy for us, or you give up and just relax and realize you can’t “do” anything to please God anyway.
Life is SO much easier when I just GIVE UP and realize God is WITH ME!!!!
I need food.